Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Thought I've Died and Gone To Heaven

It's like you've heard before the title of my 'cry' rite?
Yes, you're right.
It's from Bryan Adams the famous artist musician.

This is written with so much sadness and pain with a hole in my heart.
Written for special people whom I chose myself with great confidence.
Believing still, that they are somewhat special.
But I didn't fell from the top of building.
I fell flat on my face.
I was actually been lifted up high without knowing it.
Was adored somehow.Maybe. with a little knowledge of it.
Was taken advantage of at some point. Which I knew but I chose to ignore.
Deliberately. Again and again and again.
For something I believed and treasured most when in doing my job as an educator,
trying to mould, guide, inspire, motivate or even teach.
Which I know now that I did not manage to do so.
Cause I was let go to fall flat on My face with no mercy.

I was upset on my way.
Thinking where did I go wrong.
I wonder...
I ponder for awhile.
Than it came up to...
Let it go.
I have to let it go.
None of this is anyone's fault.
Never will I think that way.
Not even my very own close one telling me what to do.
Cause they know.

Thank you for comforting me.
I really do appreciate it.
I am not angry but it's over now.
Let's move on and start anew.

Let's begin with good luck and best wishes to all.
Hopefully see better results.
Oh not to worry ok.
Forgotten and all's forgiven.
(speaking from deep inside trying hard to make myself feel better)

But honestly, I meant it.
About forgiving.
But won't be forgotten.
I think you will agree Shana?

I went through the day with lotsa thinking and headaches.
Overcoming it was tough.
It's been a long time since migraine attack.
And it's all coming back to me now. Today!
Cursing and swearing myself for what I have gotten into this mess making it worse than ever.

I know some of you still think that it is lame or petty for me.
As if asking for sympathy kinda thing.
Well let me tell you this!
I am only human.
Feeling how I felt was natural.
And not even World War 3 can stop it.

With much regrets and upsets or shall I say disappointments,
I end this with a feeling that Thought I've Died And Gone To...

I let you complete the sentence then as what it should be.
I thank you all.