Tuesday, November 18, 2008

THE TRAGIC EPISODE OF MY LIFE...Appreciation. Conclusion.

It's the conclusion part of the episodes.

Here, in conjunction of students graduating and bidding farewell, I am taking the opportunity to wish all, good luck and best wishes in their future undertakings.
Hopefully, things that they have learned with me can be a little help and guidance throughout the journey of their life. I bid you all farewell Class of 2008! My thoughts are with you. Always.

The negative thoughts in my head; (not in random order)
1) My childhood nightmare is coming true- Leukemia
2) My days are numbered- Death
3) Won't be able to see my students graduate- Depression
4) Can't eat things that I use to like- Depression
5) My wife= Dawn- Depression
6) My family = dad, mum, sis, bro, mama Sharon, bro Kevin, sister Mei Yee, bro Marcus, bro Bryan, Ah Po and others not mention- Depression
7) The trip- Depression
8) Liverpool- Depression
9) Soccer- Depression
10) Depression = Death
Basically all of those lead to depression.
I was in total distress. Deeply in depression.

Aprreciation ...
With every night I go to sleep,
with every sunrise I wake,
with every drink that I sip,
with food that I take,
I think with careful thoughts how precious all these can be to me

With every step that I take,
with every move that I make,
(like the song) with every breath that I take,
and with every beat of my heart,
I will want it to be as easy as possible.

No more unnecessary things to think about.
Don't bother about others too much.
Learn to love myself better.
Take things one at a time.
To see each brand new day is a bonus.(As quoted and told by Z.E's mum)
My personal thanks to her...feels like I've known you forever.
Learn how to appreciate life more rather than sulking at or with it!
Get over it and move on.
Think forward or shall I put it as positive thinking.
It's not the end of the world.
Health, no compromising.
Live and let live.

And now I dedicate myself to you...D.S.Y
YOU WERE THERE - Southern Sons
I guess you've heard
I guess you know
In time I'd told you
But I guess I'm too slow

It's overly romantic
But I know that it's real
I hope you don't mind if I said what I feel
It's like I'm in somebody else's dream
This could not be happening to me

But you were there
You were everything I've never seen
You woke me up from this long and endless sleep
I was alone
And I open my eyes
you were there....

You are the love of a life time.

And now, life goes on.

Thank you all for the support, well wishes, advices, and most of all the tender loving care.
How I need it most and I've overcome it. So far...

p.s I love you...dsy.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


That particular night, I was dripped and transfused.
I was advised also that it will be a bit painful as the blood will flow through my vessel.
It was uncomfortable in the beginning but later it was ok.
I can't sleep.
I can't breathe properly.
Felt choked with the environment of ICU.
Hearing the sound of the cardiac monitor beeping.
Flatliners tone,"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep".
It was like a hangover or something.
It wasn't as if my first time staying in the hospital.
But seriously, it was the place.

The night was long.
I wish it would pass fast and the pints of blood flow into my body flows faster too.
It was a tedious process.
To the extend, I've had it.
Felt like taking off the straps of wire that were attached to my body and ran.
Then, morning came.
Saw my wife and bro came in through the door.
Sign of a bit relief can be seen on my face I guess.

I told them that to come back during visiting hours at 11.
They were early since morning.
They shud be tired too.

When they left, my third pint of blood was transfused by then.
Waiting in agony for it to finish.
By the time they came back, it was done.
Phew... relieved.
Then came another episode...
Doctors came for checks and so on.
Scoping needed to be done.
Laxative was given.
I was practically like a flushing system after an hour.
Kept on going to the toilet and flushed.
Non-stop hits!

Afternoon came.
No food till scoping is done.
Hungry but to endure.
When the bowels are cleared, its time!
Changed into my green cottony gown and off I go...Bazoom!
Not something I'm looking forward to but gotta stay positive.
Getting things done and go home. I hope?
I was sedated not long when reaching the scoping theatre.
Sedation was hopeless findings.
So, the sedation was just another sedative waste.

When I woke up, I was ready to be transferred to the "normal ward" thingy from ICU.
That night, my wife stayed with me in the single bedded ward.
I can see from her eyes with my stoney condition that she was worried, tired, restless and trying her best to stay positive throughout the whole situation.
How I envy her strength, sacrifice that she gave and most of all...her undivided loving care.

That's the power of love.
By the way, from that day, I've learned that Health is Wealth.
Nothing worth bigger than that.

The next one will be my conclusion.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

THE TRAGIC EPISODE OF MY LIFE...What is wrong with me?Part 2

What can I say about it?
Hmmm... it's the last place you be placed at?
Staying there? Helluva NO!
The smell. The surroundings. The people.(Nothings wrong in particular but their presence)
The thought of it, making me restless.

After several check ups, I was awaked and conscious enough to know what's going on.
Hearing the doctor talk and asking questions.
All those sorts.
Still feeling weak and lethargic from the incident.
Remembered that one doctor said that I need to be tranfused.
As in blood.
Wowwwww...hold on for a sec!
Am I hearing the right thing?
Yes I did!
At least three pints of blood.
That was how much I lost she said.
Now I know what's actually going on or wrong with me.
I lost lotsa blood.
The blood level for a person like me should be bout 13,14 or 15.
But my level is 5.
Too damn low ain't it?

So here we go again.
Asked about if I really needed it and those sort.
She said yes...bla bla bla bla.......
My wife did ask all the questions she needed to know.
Then came the general important 1.
"Is it safe doctor?", my wife asked.
She replied,"That, I can't gurantee."
What the hell!!!
I was actually lying flat when hearing it.
Then sat 90 degrees up when she said no gurantee shit!
I straight away point my finger to my wife and giving her the signal..."take me out of this freaking place!!!"
Hell hole!

I was discharged without any transfusion done a couple of hours later as they dun hv any specialist for blood there.
Took my chances.
Got home and think about what's the next thing to do with my wife and bro.

Later that night, aunties came and discuss things with my wife and all those bullshit outcome that a sick man dun wanna hear. Hell...it's worrying me.
That's why I said bullshit. What's if it's you?
Figure it out ok.
Btw..all those things I said was actually trying to make myself feel better which it didn't!

It finally came to my senses after my concerned wife pleaded me to go to the hospital that were recommended by Ms Yap SP,Gleneagles or the Sunway Medical Centre.
Made a few calls.
Then off we go to Sunway Medical Centre.
It was past midnight when we reached there.
Go thru the routine checks and all.
The doctor then said I to be place in ICU!
I was stunned and speechless.
It was because of tranfusion and close monitored.
At the end of the night, I am still gonna be transfused.

To be continued...

Saturday, November 1, 2008


It was just another routine day of the week.
Woke up in the morning.
Do some chores.
Got ready for work as fast as I could.
My heart was saying..."need to practice with them for the dance."
Mr bro decided to use the car.
So we asked him to send us to school instead.
On the way, dropped by the bank.

Early to reach school.
So, ate lunch first then got on to "business".
Saw Sha Lin and Sheng Hui, busy carrying stuff for the family day redemption items.
I decided to give them a helping hand by checking the items.
Ms Chan came in too.
She passed me the list and asked me to check if those(pointing at the plastic bag) are the stuff toys.
"Looked like it", I told her.

The bell rang not long after that.
Time for class and made my way to 6Hibiscus.
Suddenly, bout 1.10pm, right before recess, I was perspiring to the MAX!
Feeling all uneasy.
And drenched.
Told Chou Fang to bring my stuff back to my table and went to the teacher's toilet.
I felt like easing myself and strange vomitting felling.
I cleaned up.
Stood up and here it goes.
Blood rush.
The Episode begins...
Suddenly I felt numbness with my hands.
Things were topsy-turvy when looking at them.
I managed to climb the stairs to the teacher's office but i didn't make it thou.
It was just at the front area.
Where there's sofas.
Eyes were watery and can't open it.
I slowly rest myself on the sofa.The nearest one I could grab.
Perspiration still taking place.
And all I know the next thing was...
...Sonia came and asked me if I was ok...it sounds so vague...I think.
Later, teachers were all around me...I was practically semi-conscious.
Dunno what was going on.
Can hear but too weak to move.
From here, I leave myself to fate.
I even said this to myself that if things go wrong and I can't figure it out, I love you Dawn, till death do us part, Ms Kum and family whose being there always,
mom, dad sis and bro.
Well this one might sound strange... but it's the truth.
I swear.
The other thing I said was...omg! My students! How are they gonna practice!
I've let them down.
No no no...must finish practicing.
I must make it to watch them on Children's Day.
Damn it!
Now I am immobilised!
Then this one I must tell...Mdm Tan(really dunno what to call her in english) came and make sure I didn't pass out. Keeping me awake and talking... I think so.
She was big big help!
I think if I passed out...dunno whats gonna happen. Shish!
What I gather from the facts they(teachers and colleagues) told me after that that I was carried
down to the car. It was Ms Kum's car.
Now comes the part that I will never forget my entire life.
I know I was carried by who(Mr Chan, Mr Soong, Mr Ho and Mr Choi) at that point of time but the things I saw was eerie and scary too.
Seriously I dunno if it was to be said this way or not.
Could it be blessing in disguise or it's time to go...
My heart was beating as normal at that time when I saw it.
I saw features surrounding them with glowing light just like in the shows or movies.
But I can see their faces. They could be human but all of them were white and calm.
Some said that it could guiding angels.... or it could be otherwise.
I was then sent to the hospital.

To be continued...